The stuff of nightmares

I look around me and the place is dark. I am trying to locate my camera but it’s nowhere to be found. I see other cameras but they don’t belong to me. After what seems like an hour of aimless and endless wandering I finally find my gear. It’s all stuffed in my small day bag and I find it hard to see what is what. Now I see that my carefully assembled selection of cameras and lenses was replaced by a small SLR with a 50mm lens, one semi fancy compact and a thing that looks remotely like a very obscure Camera Obscura put together by a five year old in an art class. It’s all very impractical and frustrating.

I see the wedding guests arriving, scattered across the outdoor grassy area. It’s getting dark.

I can’t focus. I can’t frame.

My lens seems to have a condensation inside the optics.

So far I only have a couple of pictures of cats (?) and one half decent panorama, apart from that – nothing. How will I ever prove that I am good? How will I justify the money they paid me? My reputation is at stake here!

And then my battery runs out.

I toss and turn and covered in sweat I wake up realizing it was just a dream.

Then sleep takes me again, right back in the middle of it all. I know it’s a dream but I can’t control it, it’s like an evil slow rolling machine and I know what’s coming.

Fumbling with my gear, failing to focus, my neck strangled by the weight of two cameras, highly uncooperative subjects, plenty of “uncle Bobs” around with the state of the art gear taking lots of great shots and they were not even hired…… and my memory card empty.

Now, luckily the reality doesn't reflect this brain convulsion of mine but I can immediately dissect and analyze each issue, relate it back to my own insecurities or recent daily encounters. Let’s call it spring clean of the photographer's brain. In any case, this makes a somewhat refreshing change to not being able to pack my suitcase in time to catch the plane/train/insert your favourite means of transport here or getting lost in a foreign city at night.

What was it they said about cheese and nightmares? Or maybe I should not have had that last glass of rose, thinking to myself with my temples throbbing  ever so slightly.

Happy shooting everyone and sweet dreams, always!